Super Noah's Ark 3D Review

Was this a real game? Yes it actually was. Back in the day, a company called Wisdom Tree sold Christian-themed video games to kids. However they were greedy capitalists who would rather see more profit that actually give Nintendo a proper royalty. 

So they invented a cartridge that worked by plugging into a Super Nintendo, and it could bypass the lock-out chip if a real SNES game was locked on the top of it. Think Game Genie or Sonic and Knuckles in a sense. Nintendo probably had full right to take action against them, but I doubt they wanted to be known as the company that sued Jesus....er Noah whatever. 

At least the game self-admits their piracy. Also ignore the cute animals on the cover-art. 

I say that because Super Noah's Ark is really just a FPS, and it's exactly like Wolfenstein 3D. Seriously the layout is 100% the same. 

Except instead of killing Nazis, you shoot feed at animals. Who somehow kick you for no apparent reason. I thought the animals on Noah's Ark liked Noah? Why do they want him dead? 

The game is almost as ugly as the SNES version of Wolfenstein 3D, and even more awful to play. The music is annoying, and the game-play is unforgiving. It also gave me serious motion sickness. 

The game is seriously not very fun to say the very least. It may even cause you mental pain. Do not play unless you just can't help not knowing what the game is like.

Score: 1 out of 10

Wolfenstein 3D (SNES version) Review

Before Doom, there was Wolfenstein 3D. It was a "Doom Clone" before there was a Doom to speak of. It's bascially the same game as Doom it just replaced Demons with Nazis. With all the controversy that surrounded Doom back in the day, why did no Congressmen or Senators ever speak of Wolfenstein 3D? Shooting demons from hell is evil, but damn if you hate on a game where you shoot Nazis, then you're Un-American. 

This is what the PC version looked like. Not exactly ground-breaking graphics today, but back then it was on the top of it's class. Kids were begging parents to buy them ultra-nice PCs or computer parts so they could play this alone. I've never played the PC version, and I never will. However I did play the SNES version of Doom, and even though I don't really like Doom I didn't think it was a bad port. 

This is what Wolfenstein 3D on SNES looks like. Muddy, blurry, and just plain hideous. They take out pretty much all the Nazi logos, and everything. Apparently they wanted to release it in Germany (which pretty much bans anything Nazi unless it's about history and education), and it still got canned in land of BMW, Beer, and Bratwurst. 

I really could not stand playing Wolfenstein 3D on SNES for more than a few minutes straight. It's incredibly awful in almost every way. It's an aging game even in perfect or upgraded form, and it doesn't help when the graphics and control are almost as bad as our former enemies. 

Score: 1 out of 10